Why do people seem to think there’s only one reason? This one, single thing that can be sussed out and taken care of and then, voila, they’re a fucking hero and they’ve fixed you? That if you can’t think of that one single reason you’re obviously not trying hard enough, and if you haven’t fixed yourself you obviously aren’t working hard enough?
So after the Reichenbach Fall aired there were a load of reaction GIFs made. Obviously.
Some of these were GIFs of the moment Moriarty committed suicide. Some of these added text. The two I’ve seen are “Can’t Deal” flashing and “Surprise, motherfuckers!”
Look. As far as tasteless suicide jokes go, these don’t get much worse. I had a panic attack watching the episode because no one warned me, and while that’s unlikely to happen to me again, it’s not a three am that I like to be reminded of. And reactions worse than mine exist — suicide imagery is triggering, and it’s a fairly common trigger.
I know I’ve said all this before, but I found one in the Cabin Pressure tag today and I’m saying it again. I really don’t like seeing them.
If you think slapping “Can’t deal” over the image of a character committing suicide and using it as a reaction GIF is funny, you are acting like an asshole.
I, well. Fuck. You know what a really, really terrible thing to tell someone who might be considering suicide is? That they’re making a stupid, selfish decision. No. Nonononononono.
You don’t get to do that, okay? You don’t get to pour guilt on someone at breaking point. You don’t get to go up to someone who’s hurting and tell them that, because they’re in that much pain, they’re selfish. No. You do not get to say that. Fuck. No. That is not fucking compassion and don’t fucking try to tell me it is.
I should not find this shit because I looked at the Bruce Banner tag. Seriously. No. Fuck.
Shaking and crying now. Because I never want to be told that shit again, even by proxy. No.
When someone who is fucking suicidal tells you that what you’re saying is not helping, the appropriate response is not fucking “Then what am I supposed to say? I’m just trying to help! Don’t yell at me for only trying to help.”
You do not get to make that about you. You do not get to pour more guilt on someone because they cannot tell you exactly what they need. You do not get to yell at someone for articulating “This is only making me feel worse” because I know too many people, myself included, who have sat silently through the fucking platitudes because we didn’t know how to say “I’m so fucking tired of being strong, please don’t tell me I need to be any stronger for any longer.” If someone is telling you this, there’s a pretty good chance they’re at crises point, and you do not get to make that about you.
I realize not everyone is capable of handling this situation. I respect that. But there’s a reason there are hotlines, there’s a reason there are chatlines, and if the person you’re talking to doesn’t want those, there’s an argument for staying fucking quiet, listening to them and actually hearing them, and holding them if they want to be held.
There is no argument for saying “I’m just trying to help!” when they tell you that what you’re doing is not working. The person you’re saying this to? Does not need you to guilt trip them.
[Brought to you by a post I came across last night, but I didn’t have the energy to reply then and I’ll probably trigger the hell out of myself trying to find it again. I also apologize that this blog has been so suicide ideation heavy for the past week, it has not been a good week for me.]
[TW: suicide, suicide ideation]
I mean, it’s possible I read more than I should as it is, but when people get it right, it’s … sort of validating, and I don’t have that many sources of validation in my life right now, so.
And it’s not so much people getting it wrong that bothers me so much as certain reactions other characters might have to being told. Because no. If I’m telling you something like that in real life, I am actually asking for something — an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on, some fucking understanding if you come home to find I’ve put the knife block at the back of the pantry and a mindless fantasy flick with lots of magical explosions in the DVD player and not actually cleaned the kitchen yet even though it’s my turn. What I am not asking for is a miracle cure, or someone to try to fucking fix me. No. Don’t try to fix me, or coddle me, or something like that. I didn’t ask for that, don’t try to give me that, I’m looking for a friend not a savior.
Fuck. I have feelings tonight and am projecting like mad.
Which is, for the record, a lot different than thinking about suicide itself a lot.
[TW: suicide, suicide ideation]
But it’s, you know, sometimes I want people to get it. That sometimes it doesn’t matter what kind of a day I’ve had, how much sleep I got last night, or whether the people I dealt with addressed me as Kit or by my birth name, he or she. Because it’s not the kind of day I’m having. It’s that little piece of the back of my brain that does not, has never, and probably will never work quite properly.
UGH. Moriarty shooting himself reaction GIFs are back on my dash.
No. Go away. I have said that those are really not fucking cool more than once and I really do not care if they’re reblogged or if you added them yourself.
Photoshopping “#Can’t deal” “#Fuck This” or “surprise, motherfuckers!” over a GIF of someone commiting suicide and then using it as a joke makes you an asshole.
Stop using them.
Finally did tell my dad about the fact that I think about killing myself and have foryears, and named two ways I’ve considered doing it.
Got told I needed to “think positive” and exercise more. Not even to fucking talk to him, exercise more.
Fuck. I know I’m not fucking strong enough to deal with the consequences of dropping the “I’m not your fucking daughter” bombshell right now — because I’m running out of resources as it is, and saying that could loose me the roof over my head on top of everything else — but a part of me wants to so bad. Because then whatever happens will have happened, and that wouldn’t be looming in my future.
But I won’t.
Even if it’s shitty to say, I’d say keep it in character. Your readers will notice the difference, unless you have some secret, deep personality reason for why he would never say that. But seeing as you say it’s very in character for this character,
there isn’t likely a reason he would say anything different from that, except that you feel that it is - and it is - a shitty thing to say.
Mostly you’re right, and that’s probably going to be the reaction I wind up writing. I think the problem I’m having right now is that I know too many people in real life who would think that line of dialogue justified, and I’m having trouble finding a way to indicate that it really, really isn’t, without breaking anyone’s character.
So as usual when I’m stressed the hell out, more of my issues are bleeding into what I write. And I am beating my head against my desk.
Because “Did you want Molly to loose both of her best friends in the same month?” is probably painfully in character for this character’s brother to say when he wakes up in hospital.
But it’s also such a horribly shitty thing to say to someone who just attempted suicide that I’m desperately searching for something less shitty for him to say. Even though it’s in character. Because God no.